There is this lady doctor near my place who has ostensibly become my fan. Let’s call her Sarah and she is a very sweet and chatty doctor. My wife visits her usually and spends time with her chatting and comes back hours later. Some time back I got a pretty bad boil on my leg and she suggested I should go to Sarah. That was the beginning.
After chatting for a bit in Malayalam, I showed her the boil. I was in absolute pain and I saw the empathy in her eyes. She prescribed some medicines and then paused for a moment and asked me
Sarah: Should I clean it up, it will be better?
Me: Oh no! This is why I don’t go to doctors.
Sarah: Huh why?
Me: Now you will say you have cut it open
Sarah: Oh no no! I will just prick it with a needle and let the puss drain out and will clean it up with dettol. That’s it.
Me: Will it hurt? Coz I’m already in pain.
Sarah: Well it might hurt a little but I think you can manage.
Me: Well….. OK
She went in and brought the tools and started doing a micro surgery on my boil, *and I was seeing stars*. In between she asked,
Sarah: Does it hurt?
Me: HELL YEAH!!!!!
Sarah: It’s over, it’s over. Please don’t try this at home.
Once the micro surgery was done, she became chatty again. She started explaining what could be the problem and suggested that if the boils keep on coming, I should go get a blood test done.
Sarah: But, I don’t believe you get boils
Me: Why not?
Sarah: You have a clear and lovely skin. If you get boils there would be marks everywhere
Me: Oh doctor you wont believe, that I had pretty bad chicken pox years ago, but somehow I didn’t get any scars on my face.
Sarah: No way….
Me: I swear
Sarah: OK whatever
As I was leaving, she asked,
Sarah: So any news of Shashi Tharoor? Are you in anyway related to him?
This was the day after Shashi Tharoor’s wife’s untimely demise.
Me: Yeah I heard that he is also in the hospital. I’m not a close relative but may be some door ke rishtedaar. Why did you ask?
Sarah: I thought so…
Me: Ya that way all Nairs and Menons are related in some or the other way 🙂
Sarah: Yeah i know
Me: OK See you
I came back and life moved on. My boil healed and I was fine. The week after my wife had to visit Sarah for something. She came back and started telling me hesitantly,
Wife: You know what? The doctor is a big fan of your’s…
Me: How come?
Wife: She was talking about your funny expressions and how much she laughed thinking about it.
Me: Funny? I thought my expressions were sad, she poked my boil…
Wife: She just thought you were funny. So even I told her about your retard expressions and silly jokes. Then we were gossiping about you all this while.
Me: Chalo. There is someone who is a fan of mine. She also said I look like Shashi Tharoor.
Wife: No way?
Me: Yeah. But dont worry, I will not be able to go there anymore.
Wife: Why not?
Me: That’s another story
Wife: Tell me
Years ago I had another neighbor who was a fan of mine. We were staying in a small house for rent in Ottapalam then. Every evening after coming back from school I used to straight away get into the bathroom for a shower and btw… I was a bathroom singer. Our bathroom was outside the house, kind of closer to the neighbor’s house.
We didn’t have a phone connection then, Amma used to go there when Achan called from the Gulf. One day Amma came back and started telling me that they were big fans of my singing. Apparently they waited everyday to listen to my songs. I can’t describe how exhilarated I was and that evening I went to have bath with a hidden agenda.
That evening instead of a bath I actually had a mini concert of sorts in the bathroom. I made sure that I was loud enough for the neighbors to hear me. It went on for a good one hour that Amma had to shout her lungs out from outside asking me to stop and said
I think they will never ask anyone to sing again.
The neighbors would have definitely heard my mom and that’s when I came to senses.
Me: From that day onwards if anyone said they were my fans, I just ran away. What if I subconsciously showcase some extra funny histrionics the next time I meet Dr. Sarah?
Wife: Good point. Don’t ever visit her. Tumhari to pata nahi, par meri to kuch izzat hain yahan.
P.S. She still finds it hard to believe that I look like Shashi Tharoor. 😛