Coastly Fudd

You bloody Mallus from Kerala….

…is Teju’s reaction with a look which is even worse than the Aparna Looks, whenever I say Fudd kazhikkya.

Me: What?

Teju: Whats this FUDDU?

Me: Sorry Food

Teju: Why cant you pronounce it properly?

Me: Well I say fudd only when I speak malayalam. Otherwise its Food.

Teju: Then why cant you say bhakshanam?

Me: You are right but practically no one uses the word bhakshanam in regular conversations as its tough to pronounce.

Teju: So you took an English word and pronounced it wrong eh… you bloody mallus from Kerala!!

(Teju is also a mallu, but not from Kerala)

Me: Teju I dont know if you have noticed, Malayalis have this strange love and respect for the English language

And I’m right. Most of the Malayalis staying outside Kerala, once they have gotten comfortable with English, they refuse to speak in malayalam. They also consider those who speak Malayalam as very LS. Native Malayalis have very few options for learning good English. Either they have to be in a cosmo city like Kochi or may be lucky enough to have a good English teacher at school. This makes an average Malayali’s scope of speaking English limited to using English words written in Malayalam; like Aappill, Kyamara, Backerry and Jwallarry.

When I came out of Kerala in search of a job I had to force myself to speak in English but got royally ridiculed for mis pronouncing words and the infamous (zimbly poapular) mallu accent. So any Malayali who comes through all this torture refuses to speak any other language, after getting comfortable with English after years of hard work. And thats where the strange love and respect for English comes from. And thats why we got goose bumps and gave standing ovation to Renji Panicker’s dialogues.

Malayali’s respect to English is very evident in his naming convention too. Whatever he names, be it his business or kids, he makes sure that there is a touch of English (class) in it. As a rule almost all mallu non veg restaurants have English names; eg Regency, Volga, Empire, Paramount, Palace, Chit Chat etc

…even if he has no clue what the word, he got inspired from, really meant. Sample these…

Girl Names: Titty, Sissy, Flemy, Prussy, Shagi
Chips Brand: Gays
Business Name: Anal Enterprises

Do you have more?


  1. Pingback: Tweets that mention Non Breaking Space ร‚ยป Coastly Fuddu by Umesh Gopinath Theratt --

  2. Oh Gawd! i can so relate!! every time i hear someone say ‘foodu kazhicho’? or something like tht i really do think to myself why they cant stick to one language hahhah – ๐Ÿ˜€

    Those names are all for real — i ve met half tese ppl —

  3. @smallmon I’m ROTFL. I dont know how Anal and Anus have become this popular among English speaking mallus.. ๐Ÿ™‚

    Btw Teju is now inspired and contributing to the pool…. “dickson and prickson”

  4. Mallus with the name Isaac usually get the looks when they say it!


    .Whats your name?



    .I’m sorry?


    .Well, good to know. But I need to know your name sir!


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